Three Easy Ways to Show Love and Support After Infant Loss

Yesterday, a neighbor came to say hello while the kids and I were having a picnic breakfast in the front yard.  Taggart reminded this gentleman that he had a baby brother named Elijah that passed away.  Out of the hundreds of things the man could have said, this is what came out of his mouth; "That's how things happen.  People are born and people die."  Although true, that wasn't the most respectful or compassionate response.  By now everyone (except for my neighbor) has probably read an article about what not to say to a grieving parent so I won't make another list here.  Although, if I was going to, his response would definitely be included.  

What I do want to talk about is what to do to help a grieving parent on their journey.  Especially on the special days and holidays.  This is one of those special days. Elijah would have been two years old today.  I am both joyful for the blessing he was to me and so many others, and deeply saddened that I don't have him here to hug and celebrate with.  Although I don't have my second son, I have an amazing God that has provided me priceless friends and family to help me through these times.  

If you are a friend or family member to a parent that has lost a child and you're looking for ways to let that parent know you care, here are three very simple things you can do on a regular basis and especially on the special days, to show love and support.

1. Remember the dates of significance.  The birthday and the date the baby entered heaven are the two numbers a grieving parent thinks about each month.  In my case it's the 19th (death) and the 25th (birth).  Early on, this week each month was a struggle for me.  I remembered Elijah's death, how long he had been gone, and how old he would have been.  The date that snuck up on me and really hurt was the date he had been gone longer than he was here with us.  Remember these dates - the parents always do.
2. Use the baby's name.  I love when people use Elijah's name!  It's such a sweet sound and even though I may cry, I'm still glad you used his name and acknowledged his existence.
3. Always include the baby in the total number of children in the family.  I have three children and always will...until I have a fourth or fifth or sixth. Just because Elijah is not here with our family it does not mean he's no longer a part of it.  I will always count him as one of my children and love when my friends do as well. 

I want to thank all of you who have done these three things since the beginning.  You mean more to me that I could ever express.  Thank you for always remembering our sweet Elijah Thomas.

Scared Sidless 5K

I'm so proud of my friend Ginny for all of her effort and dedication to helping families suffering through the loss of an infant. The organization she started, Scared Sidless, had the first of what will be an annual 5k and 1 mile fun run. The proceeds from the run benefit families struggling with infant loss as well as other non-profits like The WARM Place and the Crowley Lions Club.

We were fearful of rain but thankfully, the only thing that rolled in were runners ready to have fun and a slight cool front.

Here are some of the images Ginny snapped this morning.

Team Cullin T-Shirts

Chalk Therapy for the kids...and adults.

A couple happy finishers.

The shoes that put one foot in front of the other.

Me, Taggart and baby #3 trying to stay warm.

Runners on your mark!

The starting line for the 5k.

The day's agenda.

A beautiful way to remember the first Scared Sidless 5k.

A New October

It's October and I've seen a ton of posts on social media from people who are so excited that this month is finally here! PSL, tall boots, and Halloween gets everyone excited. I love fall as much as the next person but this year the beginning of October brings a sense of sadness and loss. Reality sets in a little deeper today for my sweet friends Scott and Ginny Limer. One year ago today they lost their sweet baby boy, Cullin Darden Limer.

Wherever you are, whatever you're about to do, can you please pause with me and lift Ginny, her husband Scott and their children up in prayer? Today is undoubtably going to be a struggle for them but I pray that they each feel the healing powers and presence of God surrounding them today and each day moving forward. May they find healing, hope and happiness through this immense hurt. Scott and Ginny, I'm thinking of you guys today, as always. Love ya!

All But One Thing is Temporary

The 25th and today, the 19th, are tough days for me. They are the dates Elijah entered and departed this world. Today is a sad reminder of my precious son but as I opened my Bible this morning, I was met with a beautiful reminder that my troubles today (however long "today" is) are temporary and instead of getting caught up and lost in despair because of them, I'm called to fix my eyes on the unseen - on God - on my eternal life that is to come. What I see and feel today is temporary but what awaits me in heaven is forever! Knowing this and receiving this reminder today does not make everything better. Missing Elijah still stings and I know it always will but leaning on, trusting in and being confident in God when challenges come about will help me find peace in this temporary world.

When things get tough we want to rely on our own understanding of the situation but God has told us we are unable to comprehend what He's up to. Our vision and understanding is severely limited compared to His - we see today, He see's and knows each day of our lives - I mean, He PLANNED each of them INTENTIONALLY! We have every reason to confidently trust in Him. He is the Creator and Sustainer of the universe and is fully in charge of every aspect of our lives - good and bad. Our troubles yesterday, today and tomorrow (yes, we will have troubles tomorrow) are all part of His majestic master plan and they are achieving an eternal Glory that far outweighs them all! Embrace them, thank Him and glorify Him by lifting your hands up and surrendering to His plan and living it out joyfully.

Proverbs 3:5, Hebrews 2:10, 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Sweetness Remembered

We pulled up to Allen Birthing Center and Taggart asked, "Is this where Eli was born?" Yep, and so were you smart guy! He wanted to take pics in front of where he was born...should have let him get in the bathtub!

Necessary Pressure

Bear with me, this is how my mind works The other night Taggart kept asking to "see my diamonds" (my wedding rings). I told him "no, no, no" and then finally after continued asking I agreed and told him "if you sit right beside me". As he was looking at and trying on "my diamonds" the nerd in me came out and I started thinking about how long these former chunks of coal were enduring immense pressure to finally become "my diamonds". Then I thought about all the struggles, pain and pressure we endure in this world. Just like pressure is necessary to transform coal into a diamond, our struggles are necessary and are used for God's glory. He allows heartache so that we, through turning to Him for strength, transform from dull, common lumps of coal to bright, shining diamonds. Shine on!

"Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

God Hears Our Prayers

As Taggart and I left Elijah's graveside he said "Bye baby brother, I love you." like he always does and I cried like I always do. But this time Taggart said something that he never had before. Here's the conversation we had:

T: Mommy, it's ok, you don't have to cry. Eli is in heaven with Jesus.
Me: I know he is, honey. Mommy just misses him a whole bunch.
T: You know you will get to see Eli when you get to heaven. He will come up to you with all the other babies and say "Will you pick me up and hold me, mommy?".
Me: Sweetie, I can't wait to hold him.
T: He can't wait either.

Taggart didn't know that moments before he tried to make me feel better I had said a silent prayer asking God to lift me up and hold me in His arms - I miss my baby boy and I needed to feel God's love. Today, God showed me His love through the innocent words of a precious almost 3 year old little boy. My prayer was answered immediately.

Friends, I learned a lesson from Taggart today. Our words can be blessings to others! When your spiritual gut tells you to say something - say it! When it tells you to do something - do it! God may be trying to use you to deliver an answer to someone's prayer.

As for "all the other babies" that I get to meet when I get to heaven. Mommas, if I get there before you, know that I'll pick them all up and let them know how much they are loved!