Escape, Rest, Refuse, Capitalize

We have all had disappointments, setbacks and unforeseen changes of plans for our life. It is not our job or in our ability to control and plan the details of our life. We are to trust in the Lord and rest in the reality we are in. The message Pastor Daniels delivered to Pantego Bible Church this morning was on singleness but the key points he made apply to many other life topics we all encounter. I wanted to pass along those points and an essay that was shared this morning to help put some things into perspective. Although your life may not be following the plan YOU have laid out, it is following a plain that GOD has laid out before you.

Just One More Time

10 months ago, I was cherishing Elijah's first night in my arms. Tonight I'm missing him and longing for just another moment with him in my arms. To all my friends with littles, please slow down and cherish each second you have with your children. Read one more book. Snuggle for 5 more minutes. Whatever they ask, do it again. Turn the tv off. Act silly with them. Say "I love you". Get down on their level. Pick them up when they ask. Slow down and give them your attention. How would you spend your time with your children if you knew it was your last chance? Make it count. Make it last.

This is Not Our Home

This week has been tough for our country. Senseless acts of violence in Boston and a tragic accident in West, have forced family members of the victims to be where I was 6 months ago today - making funeral arrangements. I do not know the pain of losing a parent, sibling, spouse or friend, but I do know the unbearable pain of losing a child. Nothing can describe it in its entirety and it's exhausting to even try to put words to the thoughts and feelings that run through you simultaneously. The anger, the guilt, the sadness, the fear, the sickness, the grief, the shock, the reality, the helplessness, the tears, the emptiness, the love, the longing, the questions, the joy, the rage, the what ifs, the only ifs, the heartache, the sorrow, the void, the brokenness, the shame, the memories, the loss, on and on it goes. For me, today has been a joy and a devastating reality balled into one. A joy because I was able to spend time with good friends, my husband and son on a beautiful day. A devastating reality because I wasn't able to just say "my sons".

As I unapologetically poured out my heartache to the Lord today, for Boston, for the suspects, for West, for the victims, for Elijah, for my family, for my friends, for me, I was comforted by a gentle thought - this pain is being used to remind me that this is not my home. This is not as good as it gets. Thank goodness because if I'm being honest - this sucks! I do not know what tomorrow holds for me, but God does, and He promises that He will make beauty from my heartache. All I have to do is believe in Him and surrender my heart and mind to His will for my life. I have no trouble believing but today, laying down and accepting His will is easier said than done. When days, weeks and months are as painful as mine have been since October, and as the lives of those impacted by the recent events will be for a great time to come, it's easy to question God and demand an answer that even if told, would never be understood this side of heaven. But wait, even in this horribly, earthly reality there is a silver lining, there is a perk, there is pocket full of sunshine and a hope for us ALL. No matter how bad we slip up, no matter how many momentary losses of hope we go through a day, no matter what we do, no matter what we say, no matter whom we hurt, no matter who we are, Jesus loves us ALL. No. Matter. What. And His love is all anyone needs. Thank goodness!

I miss you and I love you, Elijah. High five the Big Guy for mommy! I'll see you soon my sweet son.