Three Easy Ways to Show Love and Support After Infant Loss

Yesterday, a neighbor came to say hello while the kids and I were having a picnic breakfast in the front yard.  Taggart reminded this gentleman that he had a baby brother named Elijah that passed away.  Out of the hundreds of things the man could have said, this is what came out of his mouth; "That's how things happen.  People are born and people die."  Although true, that wasn't the most respectful or compassionate response.  By now everyone (except for my neighbor) has probably read an article about what not to say to a grieving parent so I won't make another list here.  Although, if I was going to, his response would definitely be included.  

What I do want to talk about is what to do to help a grieving parent on their journey.  Especially on the special days and holidays.  This is one of those special days. Elijah would have been two years old today.  I am both joyful for the blessing he was to me and so many others, and deeply saddened that I don't have him here to hug and celebrate with.  Although I don't have my second son, I have an amazing God that has provided me priceless friends and family to help me through these times.  

If you are a friend or family member to a parent that has lost a child and you're looking for ways to let that parent know you care, here are three very simple things you can do on a regular basis and especially on the special days, to show love and support.

1. Remember the dates of significance.  The birthday and the date the baby entered heaven are the two numbers a grieving parent thinks about each month.  In my case it's the 19th (death) and the 25th (birth).  Early on, this week each month was a struggle for me.  I remembered Elijah's death, how long he had been gone, and how old he would have been.  The date that snuck up on me and really hurt was the date he had been gone longer than he was here with us.  Remember these dates - the parents always do.
2. Use the baby's name.  I love when people use Elijah's name!  It's such a sweet sound and even though I may cry, I'm still glad you used his name and acknowledged his existence.
3. Always include the baby in the total number of children in the family.  I have three children and always will...until I have a fourth or fifth or sixth. Just because Elijah is not here with our family it does not mean he's no longer a part of it.  I will always count him as one of my children and love when my friends do as well. 

I want to thank all of you who have done these three things since the beginning.  You mean more to me that I could ever express.  Thank you for always remembering our sweet Elijah Thomas.